The Absolutely, End-of-the-Conversation, Perfect Football Team.

7:25 PM / Posted by Ryan /

I have said some fairly outrageous things in my time, I would be the first to admit. Well, Alan would probably be the first to admit it, readily seconded by a few others, but I do at least admit it. I will make claims, particularly about soccer, and wait for them to be disproven. Some of the more outrageous claims were truly indefensible. I once argued vehemently that David Beckham was better than Zinedine Zidane.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I was young and stupid.

I do believe in being as hyperbolic as possible, and taking as extreme a position as I can so that I find the most opposition. Generally, this results in a dialectic compromise along these lines: Becks is better than Zidane-> Zidane is the best player to ever lace up and Beckham isn't even good enough to start for the US-> Zidane is great, but Becks is a pretty good player in his own right, and at more than just set pieces. This team is the result of thousands of conversations along those lines, battered out over hundreds of pints and millions of minutes of football footage. This is the Absolutely, End-of-the-Conversation, Perfect Football team.

Keeper - Lev Yashin

I'll take the Black Spider, the only keeper to win European Footballer of the year, and his 150 penalty saves to lock up my net. He revolutionized the position, and had he played for a major club in Europe there would be no conversation here. There still isn't much of one.

Center Back - Franz Beckenbauer, Captain

Books have been written about the quality and elegance of Der Kaiser's game, but personally I just like the moxie of the 18 year old kid who got banned from the national team for declaring he had no intention of marrying his pregnant girlfriend. Ok, I like his game a little bit, too. Pretty much invented the libero, and could get forward from the central defense better than anyone.

I toyed with the idea of going Bill Russell here and running Franz as a player coach, as of all of the players on this team he is the only one who is nearly as accomplished off the field as he was on it. I settled for just giving him the armband. Even on this team of legends the tremendous weight of silverware that Beckenbauer took home while captaaining both club and country is truly impressive.

Center Back - Franco Baresi

While surrendering a bit of height here I like the idea of partnering Beckenbauer with a pacy center back who is comfortable solving problems on his own so I can really push my wing backs on. As a bonus, if Beckenbauer is not the the most tenacious man marker in the history of the game, then Baresi is. Between the two of them I could have the flexibility of switching between zone and man marking indiscriminately.

Right Back - Cafu

There are a few right backs who have the quality to play with this group, such as Santos, or Kaltz (there are even those who will voraciously defend the claim that Kaltz invented bending the ball, and that alone merits a place on this team), but I want to really get after the other team and no back has ever gotten forward with the eagerness and quality that Cafu did. He was a terror foraging down the wing.

Left Back - Paolo Maldini

Let me explain to you how this selection process worked in the hammering out of this team. Someone would throw out a position and in a matter of minutes a list of possible players would form, and be whittled away to the best for the way I wanted the team to play. Except at left back. At left back there was no list. There was just Maldini.

One thing we were sure of is that there was a spot for Maldini on this field, whether it was at holding mid, central defense, or out on the wing, but there was a spot. he could play at any of those positions, but the replacement player out on the wing would not be as high quality as the replacement players at any of the other positions, so here he is. Only two backs have ever won European Footballer of the Year twice, and with Beckenbauer and Maldini our back line boasts the pair of them.

Holding Midfielder - Steven Gerrard

This was the hardest position to field. Such is the quality of the attacking players on the pitch in front of him, all I want is a ball winner who can play out respectably. The quality and ferocity of Mattheus is hard to deny, and Makelele basically perfected this role, and Viera was the key to the attacking freedom of both Arsenal and France in the 90's, but this is my team and it had to be Gerrard.

As he has demonstrated over the years on the national team, Gerrard would be willing to defer to the brilliance around him. He is a terrifying tackler and has the biggest engine I have ever seen. Settled into this role, he would give us the freedom to go forward with what would in any other case be reckless abandon.

Attacking Midfielder - Zinedine Zidane

I have come a long way from the crowded bar where I first denigrated Zidane in favor of Beckham. I was ignorant. I have since put in the time. I watched the YouTube clips. I watched the Cup matches. I bootlegged the movie. Slowly, but somehow very suddenly, I fell in love, the way it suddenly dawns on the protagonist in a Hugh Grant film that they are madly in love with the very person they were trying so hard to despise. I loved his touch, his vision, his speed, but it might have been his temper that I loved the most. At the end of the day there is never any doubt that if one of the players on the other team puts a rough challenge on you Zidane is going to even the score. Maybe he just decks the guy. Maybe he puts both of his cleats directly through the guys knee. Either way.

Left Wing - Johan Cruyff

This was another position that I had a hard time with. My appreciation of Ryan Giggs has been noted. George Best is a hard man to leave off the field. Ronaldihno even had a pretty good case for a few years. At the end of the day, though, the most decorated European footballer in history has to be on this team and this is a great place for him to run at players with pace and serve.

Right Wing - Manuel Fransisco dos Santos, aka Garrincha"Little Bird"

The drinking and the partying and the not playing in Europe or America hurt the general appreciation of el Anjo de Pernas Tortas (the Angel with Bent Legs). With the deformed spine, legs of different shape and length, this dervish was so sought after that Inter, AC Milan, and Juventus tried to joint-sign him, having him spend a season with each, but Garrincha was content to stay at home. Through the '58 and '62 Cups Garrincha was arguably the best player in the tournament.

Striker - Diego Armondo Maradona

Sitting a little withdrawn behind his strike partner to better run at the defense, this could never be anyone but Maradona. All the headlines of the drug use, and the belligerence, and Hand of God could not take away the brilliance this man brought forth almost every single time he stepped on the field. Maradona might hold the record in any sport for number of times he made you literally catch you breath, waiting and wondering what he was going to do next. You could argue for years, as people have and will, whether he was the best to ever play the game, but I don't have to do that here. The team fields 11 players, so I get to have them both.

Striker - Edson Arantes do Nascimento, aka Pele

This is my favorite Pele moment: playing against Uruguay in '70 a ball is played through on the ground and Pele is in clear behind the defense. The keeper comes flying out at him and Pele just runs right over the ball, dummying it past the keeper who has no idea what has just happened and sits down in confusion to try and sort it out. The ball glides on to the keeper's left as Pele circles around his right to join it behind the keeper in front of an empty net, beating him without ever touching the ball. Then he missed the goal. And laughed.

Bench

The number of players who get left off this team is unfortunate, indeed. The few that we can squeeze in reserve roles are: Peter Schmeichel, Lothar Mattheus, Michel Platini, Alfredo Di Stefano, and George Best.


That's our team. Perfect. Speaking of perfect, here is the One Parlay to Rule Them All:
Ravens, Texans, Falcons, Packers, 49ers, Cardinals, Dolphins, Eagles, Seahawks, Saints, and the Steelers.

1 comments:

Maisam on November 8, 2009 at 1:27 PM

fantastic!

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